I'm still a...

Ninja!

That was what I wanted to be five years ago, and as most can say, I got my wish.  Now considering this journal goes by my thoughts only, you may be encountering some randomness.

Omygawd… I can't believe I really have a mind-reading journal…

Anyways… whoa!  That was a little close.  Excuse me, gotta go cream some criminals.

SMACK!  Yeah, sorry dude, you must be having some nightmares about ninja stars now… hey, don't you go sneaking up on me!  I'm the ninja here; I'm the only one doing the sneaking!  Man, you partners in crime get really angry don't you?

Oh wait… did you just hear ALL of my thoughts right then?   Oops, didn't realize!  Maybe I should turn this thing off occasionally!

BURN IT!  That's what I say!

Oh jeez… does this thing even record battles between my ninja and pirate sides?  Okay, I'm sorry, but this diary can't spell conshensh right for its life.  (See what I mean?)

Anyways, where was I? Kinda lost my train of thought. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I really like pickled ice cream (what? Diary glitch) ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Man, I didn't realize how long it takes to find a train!

Anyways… I lost it again.  You do not have to deal with another um!  Instead, I will tell you about myself!

My name is Deedee.  It's not short for Delia, Delilah, Dillflower, Dellflower, Derian, Doreen, Delta, or Sarafdeedeearan.  It's just Deedee.  Yeah, real ninja.

I have a sister named Kate.  It's not short for Kathryn or Kathy or Kieran, Kiera, Kethry, Katelyn, or Libbleakatedero.

Oh, by the way, she's 27 and eight thousand one thousandths.  Yeah, she's older than 27, but she doesn't admit it.

You might think this impossible, but people here live a LONG time.  Like, 500 years old is verging on slightly old.  So, I don't KNOW why my sister won't admit she's 35.

Where do I live? With my sister in Malawoiku, Svitshel.  A strange name.  Know where it is?  Out here in the middle of the middle of nowhere.  Nobody knows where it is but us natives and the secret agents who bring us cell phones and computers and mind-reading journals.  Oh yeah, and really, really messed up GPS's that tell you to take a u-turn every 3 seconds if your going to McDonalds because they want you to go to Wendy's instead.  

My parents disowned me after I kicked open the window and jumped out of my school, never to be seen again-except by my sister-without my disguise.



Yeep!  More baddies!  Okay, this time I'll use my whips, and then while he's down, get some cuffs on him.  OW!  Okay, that didn't work.  Jump… ehhh… rafters are… spiky? Pain… pain… pain… gotcha!  But ropes… so low-tech… Brrrrr… owww…

As I leave the jail in which I'm allowed to practice, (the prisoners actually enjoy it) Kate comes up to me.

"Wow!  You could probably fight Dyjel Clione right now!"

Did you notice that?  I'm using the other function from this point on.  No more annoying thoughts.

"c'mon, Kate, you KNOW I need to be better.  I can't let them touch me at all!  And did you see what those rafters did to me?  And these are just criminals, not Samurai, like he is." I reply to this too strongly.  I have learned to use a monotone voice with Kate, or she'll over-emotionalize.

"Oh!  You're so mean!  I was just trying to be nice to my insane younger ninja sister, but noooooo, you YELL at me for complimenting you!" she sobs.  "I'm not sure I want to bring you home tonight, Dee."

"Kate, I'm sorry.  I just meant that I'm nowhere near ready yet.  Not your fault at all."  I answer in a strange voice.  Trying to be monotonous and sincere at the same time is actually a little bit, well, hard.  Unfortunately for me, she takes it as sarcastic.

"Yeah, yeah.  Just put some band-aids on your hands and go live in Shop n' Shop for all I care."  She huffs.

"Kate, do you need to go see your psychiatrist?  Get in the Prius and drive." I'm really monotonous this time, so it's all well that ends well.
She huffs off to the car, but doesn't complain till we get home.  She seems thirsty.  "I'm getting some milk, you want some?" I ask her.

"NO.  I want wine!" she yells.  I sigh.  She's not over the age of 57, so no alcohol for her.

The grocery store is just down the street, so I go by myself when we need stuff.  I had finished the milk, so I went to get more.

At the cash register, the teenage boy there asks me if I'd like the orange he's holding.  For free.  I blush. "Thanks…" I glance at his name tag, "Mitchell."

He blushes back, but quickly stops and tries to explain the orange.  "Some crazy girl came in here and yelled at me for touching it.  Said it has 'Supermarket germs' already, and doesn't need 'cashier germs' as well.  Seems she started a trend, nobody has accepted this orange because of 'cashier germs'."

I head back home.  Kate is there to welcome me. Phooey.  "Where did you get that orange?" she asks me.

"From the cashier." I reply warily, but boringly.

"NOOOOO!  YOU COULD GET CASHIERGERMAMANIAMONIA!" She yells at me.  I should've known it was her who started the trend.


I sigh and put it in the trash.  Sometimes Kate can be a real hassle.